Reviving A Memory (Day 3: 7 Topics, 7 Days)

Day 3 of the 7 Day 7 Topics Blog Challenge is all about reviving a memory or photograph. So i chose a bit of both.

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Meet my family from left to right we have my younger brother Alex, my Mom Lori, me, my younger sister Jenny, my Dad Steve and my younger brother Tyler.

This post might be a little too raw for me and I do apologize.

This is the last ever picture i have of all 6 of us smiling and all together. I was only about 15 here so that’s 11 years ago. We were on a family cruise that went to Key West and Mexico (I’m from Florida so wasn’t a very very long trip to the Keys.) To be honest this picture showed this was our happy time. We actually all loved being together, we were close at this point. I remember me and my sister going to the teen clubs and groups and then all getting back together for swimming, our excursions in both Key West, and our favorite , Mexico.

I can still remember me and my three siblings laughing at my Dad trying to haggle with the local mexicans and their goods, or asking in what he thought was Spanish where certain places were. O and dont get me started on how he thought he could teach us how to speak Spanish! Thanks Dad think me and Jenny learned better Spanish in High school thank you.

All of us and i mean all of us had so much to laugh and smile about. We were a family who loved each other and was on an amazing trip to some amazing places. My brothers loved boats so they were in there element (the boys were both 9 at the time) Alex, he wanted to learn about everything and how everything on the ship worked. Its amazing to think back to how he smiled, and how Tyler laughed.

My mom wanted us all to have fun. She made sure we knew what time to be back and made sure if me and Jenny separated that we had to be back to have dinner together every single night. The food was amazing.  we were treated like kings and queens! we got to wear fancy dresses and the boys wore nice shirts and trousers. I remember my parents constantly holding hands kissing. What an in love couple. This photo I believe was the last night.

Just look as us. We all look so happy and close.

Its crazy what happens in ten years and how completely different this is.

Now I should really stop as this is suppose to be reviving a memory but it just so happens in doing so, I’ve struck a cord in my heart.

My brother Alex, Weve texted once in awhile, but he moved to a different state from my parents. Hes in a big college and doing amazingly big things now towards his future. Hes so smart. At some point, unfortunately I couldn’t say when, he stopped smiling so much. I never knew why, although something gave me a hint when he finally changed from a private school to public, my parents kept him in there although he hated it, he lost my aunt, our half eldest sister he was close to moved far away, and our nanny who we call our aunt moved back to England. Its like he had so much emotion that he kept inside and didnt want to let it out until he was angry. He refused to talk to any of us or even say I love you. Eventually right before i permanently moved to England we got close, we did laugh we played jokes. As it got closer though he pulled away, the last in person memory i have of him , is him hiding the fact he was upset crying when I came in to say goodbye. I haven’t seen him in 4 1/2 years and I sometimes wonder if i ever will see him again which kills me to think about but I really hope is not the case.

My parents. I never saw the signs. I always thought they were so in love. I thought wow what a couple although they had problems, i guess you never think it would be your parents who split. My mom came over when i was living in England and explained how she was feeling, my dad was coming a week after her so when they were together I thought everything was fine again they just needed to get away and see me of coarse :p I was so wrong. My mom told me for about 5 years she was contemplating leaving my dad. And she was finally doing it. Worse time to as my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I think my brothers started to resent her for that as they didnt speak to her for a bit. They are apparently happy but my dads alcoholism shows more then ever where hes almost killed himself in car crashes. He says hes happy that shows other wise to me. Although my Mom looks and seems happy it still hurts to see them split up and with different people.

My sister Jenny. We stayed close. She was my rock. Shes an amazing mother to two kids and a fiance. She went though a lot of crap though before. Stuff that i wish i could of helped her with. Even now we talk every other week of that as reception is rubbish for viber, and i hear how she sounds and just wish i could help. She is so so strong for everyone especially her little family and my dad who really needs help. She and my brother Alex dont even speak. Its like a huge hate was built into alex for her and no one really understands fully why or how. We all had our guesses but no one was sure. Its been 3 years that they havent spoke.

My brother Tyler. He is such a talented smart sweet kid. I mean now a day its so rare to see a teen (mind you he is 21 this year) hug and kiss their parents and siblings. When i have seen him he gives great hugs, and when we have a chance to talk which is rare the busy guy, he always says he loves me and my kids. But he has gone through crap. Hes the last one at home with my Dad. Hes basically looking after him at times. He does work amazingly hard but he quit school which i never got the full answer why. He had goals. Be a basketball player which he so could of done hes amazing! But it was kind of like no one pushed him to go for it. I tried from where i was but theres so much you can do just over a phone. He got mixed into something i really dont agree with and so wish he didnt do but seems like no one really gives a rats. People obviously love and care for him, i mean who wouldn’t but with that stuff, they never guided him.

I look at this photo and I’m reminded of the happy times with my family and how much I miss them through and through even with some of the crap we have all gone through together. Just writing a little snippet of the truth on how things are now kills me and makes me well up. Makes me realize I still wish I could be there for each and every single one of them. I know through life people and times change. Just if you asked me at the time of this photo where I thought our lives would be, and if i thought there was any chance of  how far apart both physically and emotionally we are from each other, it wouldnt be like this.

What i would do just to go back in this moment in time, be a family with our arms wrapped around each other smiling and actually being a family and tell them all how much  love them and how much I want to be there for them.

Sorry that this was a way of reviving a memory for me.

-Candi X

 

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6 thoughts on “Reviving A Memory (Day 3: 7 Topics, 7 Days)

  1. I can relate to a degree. One thing you must remember is you are not in charge of somebody else’s happiness. Especially family. Before we know it we’ve been someone else leaning pole our whole life and achieved nothing for ourselves. You’ve done well on this post. It wouldn’t have been easy. Its good to get the feelings out 🙂

    • Thank you for your advice! I agree as it can make you sick and at some point it really did but so hard especially in certain situations that happened. Thank you very much was so worried I messed it up by going into a lot more lol. It sure is and hope your well! Xx

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